Dear Fear (AKA Doubt/Insecurity/Shame),
You have gone by many names over the years, and no matter what you chose to be called, I took you in. You were clever, promising me "security" and "safety" if I only listened to you. Well, I did listen, but I have finally realized the difference between "playing it safe" and and "preservation of self." While it's true that sometimes your whispers helped me out in dangerous situations, for the most part, you abused your powers and I realize now the extent of your lies. You have exerted your will over me for far too long and, clearly, this is not a reciprocal relationship...I gave you everything, with nothing in return. I'm at a point in my life where I am tired of trying to please you. It is is exhausting trying to figure out which part of you I am dealing with and also, I’m tired of stroking your ego, making you feel so important at my own expense. If there is one thing in this world that I have come to HATE, it is how I shrink in your presence. If you really loved me, wanted me to feel safe and secure, you would support my growth, my expansion, my light. And you have never acknowledged me, THE REAL ME, and because you have never believed in me all this time, despite the fact I have given you my undivided attention and support over the years--when it was me who all this time LISTENED to you!--Well, you need to know that I have packed your bags and you are not welcome here anymore. I am breaking up with you. FOREVER!
I LOVE my job! I enjoy the freedoms of owning my own holistic life coaching practice; in balancing my needs between family and business; the flexibility of managing my own schedule; and I am blessed every day with the opportunities to dream and create! Every day, I get to dream and scheme, laugh and share, heal and help others! I just love, love, love working with people, my clients—YOU---who have varied and interesting stories to share!
And sometimes I feel like a child with an exciting secret—I get so giddy! One of the greatest things about my job is that YOU teach me something new every single day! Sometimes I feel like I’M the one who really benefits from our sessions! I wonder if my clients really know how happy they make me, how much THEY teach ME, how much sheer delight I get from our sessions, sharing and healing and opening to each other!
Which is why I am kind of scared and kind of nervous to share the following news…
See, here’s the deal…over the past nine months, I have experienced a few major life events—my father was diagnosed and lost his battle with cancer; my daughter moved out of my house and in with her father; and I turned 40! To help me cope with these transitions, I have been seeing a therapist who has charged me with the task of completing a “life timeline.” It is not an easy exercise to do, as it has brought up all sorts of painful memories---and loads of revelations!
These revelations are causing major energetic shifts for me! I always coach my clients to be gentle on themselves when they undergo such shifts, and I have to treat myself with my own advice. With the amount of shifts I am going through, I need time to fully integrate the changes and space to release all that I no longer wish to carry.
I am not sharing this for sympathy, or any kind of reaction, actually. I am sharing only because it helps to put into context the kinds of things I am meditating on lately…I believe that every experience I have had has prepared me for this crucial moment. I believe I chose to incarnate on this plane, I chose which path my life would take and the experiences I would have. I hold a vision that my experiences are not only for me to learn by, but for others too. I chose to incarnate an Aquarian, the water bearer---sharing information with all of humanity.
Lately I’m being called to focus my energies on writing my book. I actually have three of them started (THREE!) and I feel compelled at this time to finish them. And so, the best thing about my job is that I get to choose how to spend my time and energies. I have given this considerable thought, but realize that life really is too short. My ideas, my story, won't help anyone if they remain in my head! I must be the Water-bearer, and pour out these stories as if they were water for the thirsty! The mantra of late is loud and clear, "WRITE THE BOOK!"
I do intend to honor my commitments of producing Tele Classes—I have quite a few already planned throughout the year—and I will continue working on my side project, Magickal Harvest, but come March 1, 2013, I will not be accepting client appointments until further notice.
You wanna' know what else I really LOVE? I LOVE that I am the master of my own destiny! I am elated that I don’t have to do the “daily grind” of the 9-5 office life, under artificial lights, subject to quarterly reviews. I love that I can wake up one day, listen to my heart and know that I have the support of people who get it!
Because I know that while right now seems scary for me to step into, in the end, it will be so worth it!
GRATITUDE SYNERGISTIC BLEND
Uplifting, smart and rich. Primarily used in aromatherapy to increase joy and sharpen the mind, is powerfully protective, both magically and physically. Energetically speaking, this aroma can help you to make wise decisions, and because it helps to increase abundance, I am using it as my primary scent in this blend.
Frankincense-- 10 drops
Used in ancient temples as an offering to the gods. I chose this aroma because it is a symbol of my faith, and I offer it to you.
Uplifting and bright. This citrusy scent cleanses a space of negativity and is often used to banish depression.
Another scent that was an offering to the gods. This scent harnesses the power of the now in that it aids in calming your fears or doubts about the future.
Sambac blooms in evening, grandiflorum blooms in the morning. Both are considered aphrodisiacs but grandiflorum is smooth, extremely intense floral smell that is both sweet and lingering.
I chose this scent as a reminder of the sweetness of life. Jasmine absolute is used to treat depression, insomnia, nervous tension and infertility. Its aroma is soothing and calming and can bring about a restful state to those who are suffering from emotional trauma. There are different kinds of jasmine, and it can be a bit pricey, so use ylang ylang as a suitable sub.
Basil has a warm slightly spicy slightly sweet, uplifting aroma and I chose it because of its association with prosperity. Also, the leaves of basil look like hearts and this herb has long been used in love magic. Ideal for a gratitude blend!
Black Pepper--2 drops
Pepper is powerfully protective and kicks everything up a notch!
Rose quartz chip, citrine chip-1 small chip each
Rose quartz for unconditional love and citrine to keep energetically “fresh”
Combine all oils in a clean glass bottle as you consider living with an attitude of gratitude and how you have a thankful heart.
This makes a synergistic blend which you can then choose to add vodka (80 proof or higher), distilled water or a carrier oil depending on your desire to create either a spray or oil. I recommend you let this synergy blend sit for a few hours before adding to anything else, as the scents will meld together and grow more powerful.
Thank you for being you! Namaste!
So here it is, me planning workshops on de-cluttering and space clearing for energetic healing, and just the other night, I was made painfully aware of my emotional attachment to an object, my piano. This piano sits in my open living room, host to the family and ancestor photos, and has, of late become the entry way catch all. The lid is closed, covering the well-loved ivory keys, and it makes a perfect tray for all those things we carry in from our outings, i.e. sunglass, car keys, purses.
Barry and I were discussing the upcoming cleansing and decluttering we want to perform on our house, to open up our space for new and clear energy to enter into our lives and help us with our manifestation goals for the coming year. Then he mentioned that he wanted to get rid of the piano. "First," he said, "no one ever plays it anymore, and it just seems to be a magnet for all kinds of clutter. Being that it sits in the open floor plan, it contributes to a messy looking front room."
I started to tear up. I felt a lump swell in my throat and tears began streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t understand why I became so emotional about this, because the truth is that he was right. The piano no longer serves its function, and we really needed to have this discussion. But I couldn’t talk. All I could think about was the day I found the piano and how proud I was to be able to bring it home.
The piano was, for me, a sign of my independence. My first marriage ended in a divorce, and I went through a really tough time wondering if I would ever see my way through to financial comfort again. It took me over two years to feel like I was back on top and was ready to buy a house. My own house. But I had no furniture and the house was a one hundred year old home that just called for furniture to match its character. The first antiques dealer I stopped at had this beautiful piano sitting in the back corner. I played my own version of Chopsticks and was immediately hooked. I bought it and soon, my kids were plinking and plunking on the keys, filling our new home with the charming (and off-key) sounds of childhood piano lessons. It was something the entire family enjoyed, and that made my purchase even more special to me. Not only did the piano represent my independence as a single mom, but I was so proud and happy to be able to provide my children with this “frivolous” opportunity for enrichment.
That was nearly ten years ago and I never shared this story with Barry. It never seemed like I needed to. When I moved in with him, I came with my furniture, including the piano--and there was a perfect wall to place it against and that was that. Unfortunately, since I moved in here, the piano is very rarely played. My oldest two daughters have moved out of the house (they are 22 and 20), and no longer play the piano anyway. The other kids are interested in other instruments. Come to think of it, the piano has not been tuned since I moved in.
But I never once considered getting rid of the piano. It never crossed my mind.
When faced with this reality, it became clear to me that I had been hanging on to this piece of furniture for impractical reasons. I moved it across the country, and then again in three different houses over the last ten years. But I am just now re-examining my feelings associated with it. Yes, I am way too emotionally attached to this piece. I sure was not expecting the emotional response I experienced. As I map out my plan for de-cluttering the house, I need to reconsider how the piano contributes to the perpetual "virtual" mess we wish to do away with.
But for now, during the holidays, I will open the lid on the keys, and hopefully someone will be inspired to tickle the keys and fill the house with the sounds of holiday cheer.